the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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