loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Omg I joined a choir last night...
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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