please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
You had me at "let me see your balls"
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
