I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
They took my balls.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
