9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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