He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Randomize
