I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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