If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
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They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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