I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
