Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
It's blow job season.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
