you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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