I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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