Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Randomize
