Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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