Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
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