You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
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