I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
Randomize
