My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize