my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
