i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town