i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
