we have officially lost it.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
