gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
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