I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
