Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
this just has baby written all over it
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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