I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
