I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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