You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Randomize
