I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
