I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Randomize
