He is an equal opportunity slut.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I deserve to be covered in dicks
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
