My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
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