Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
