Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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