24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
