Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
