is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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