You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
