I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guiltš
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heās Upset Because People Told His Mom
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
You went after him with a sword while screaming āFAJITAS!ā. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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