My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
