I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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