You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
