My friends, they love my intelligence
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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