If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
