Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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