fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
