My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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