hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
It was confusing and full of hummus
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
