CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
