Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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