porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
