So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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