I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
