im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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