yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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