Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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