ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
