ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
