It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
You're like the curious george of whores
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
