I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Randomize
