i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
