i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Randomize
