wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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