you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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