At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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