This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I faked an abortion last night.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Enjoy the penises
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
